Dear Old People,
When I am with my kids and my wife isn't there, I am not "babysitting" I am parenting.
When you see me with the kids and say "babysitting today?" in a tone that says "poor dear, having to do woman's work" it makes me want to hide your scotch mints.
If you are an old woman, I resist the urge to say "that's right, toots" and smack you on your bony ass while winking at you.
Fathers don't babysit their own children. The neighbour's kid does.
PS - you smell like moth balls.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Dear Old People,
Friday, November 13, 2009
I love seeing an advertising campaign that was meant to convey a particular message, but which could be taken to mean something else entirely. Especially when the unintended meaning is the exact opposite of the message that the advertiser would want to be express.
For instance, check out this billboard for the Toronto Star newspaper:
It's a bit blurry, so in case you can't see it, the slogan is "Until common sense is actually common."
I assume that they mean "as long as things happen because of people (such as those in government) failing to use common sense, we will report those things." But my first thought was that it might mean "until the general population has enough common sense to make up their own minds about things rather than reading our slanted, biased views, we shall continue to spread our propaganda."
I think mine is probably more accurate, but still not what they meant.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Our apartment complex hosted an end-of-summer barbecue earlier this year (sometime around the end of summer, I think it was). They had lots of great food and treats for the kids. Our boys each got a balloon to take home. Eric's was twisted into the shape of a dog, and Alex's was made into a sword. Great fun!
Sounds innocent, right? So, why is the title of this blog "Warning: offensive content"? Because we put the balloon sword into the back of the car and left it there. As it deflated, it began to untwist, and became something else entirely:
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
I have to get my Blackberry Bold replaced, because the battery leads are loose, causing it to re-boot at random and annoying times, and because the trackball isn't working right, so I often can't scroll up or down, and also because the USB port is faulty, so I can't connect it to my PC.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Monday, November 9, 2009
In my experience, no matter how much work you put into a product trying to make sure that everything is perfect, you will look at the finished item and realize that that something is wrong. This happens 100% of the time, according to unscientific studies by the Lloyd Institute of Product Development.
I imagine that the publishing team behind this book I found on my mother's bookshelf went through the same process of making sure everything was perfect.
More of Canada's Best Bread Machine Baking Recipes by Donna Washburn and Heather Butt.
So I would have loved to have been there when they first noticed the spine of the book:
Who decided that putting the author's last names on the spine like that would sell cookbooks?
mmmmm.... "Washburn Butt" makes my mouth water.
Here are some pictures I took on my Blackberry of an ad that was posted in front of my apartment building. There were a few reasons why I took the pictures.
First, this is my new favourite company name:
"Go Baby, Go!"
I don't know why, but I think that is the best slogan of all time. If General Motors had used that slogan years ago, they wouldn't be in the mess they're in now!
Earlier this year, I posted about a frozen food brand called "Europe's Best" that alerted me to the fact that Europe had expanded. Since then, I have found more examples. Check this out:
Europe's Best Summer Fruit Salad...
Product of Chile. The latest member of the European Union.
And there's Europe's Best Chef's Spinach:
I missed the headlines about Europe's population explosion.
I hate when companies make their brands an out-and-out lie. It's bad enough that their frozen fruit and vegetables wouldn't make the "best of" list for any continent. But as far as I can see, none of their product is actually Europe's best, second best or even worst.
But then again, I suppose "Earth's Mediocrity" doesn't make a very good brand name.
Sunday, November 8, 2009
I took this picture of the TV screen with my Blackberry several months ago, when some American sailors fought off the pirates off the coast of Africa. Remember that? Of course you do. Here's a reminder:
I took the picture because it struck me that if someone hadn't made a major spelling mistake on the "BEWARE OF PIRATES" sign, they would have saved themselves a lot of trouble!
Saturday, November 7, 2009
This blurry picture is of a notice that was posted above the garbage can in my apartment building's lobby:
It says "PLEASE DO NOT DISPOSE OF YOUR DOG FECES (POOP) IN THE FRONT FOYER..."
It makes me laugh because they tried to take the high road and say "feces" but decided that it would be a good idea to clarify and say "poop" afterall. For people who don't know what feces means. Or for people who think poop is the funniest word in the English language.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Here is a picture of a junk-mail piece we received a while ago for a service in Toronto called "Dial-a-bottle" who will deliver booze to your house for you when you are already too drunk to go get more yourself:
Do you see the problem with this ad? They list the products they will deliver like this:
How can we have any confidence in a company that specializes in booze, but clearly doesn't understand the first rule of drinking? Every self-respecting drunk knows "beer before liquor, never been sicker."